When I first heard the term deconstruction, I thought that it very accurately describes the process that many individuals go through when they leave their religious congregations. What causes someone to leave their congregation? Often it is because they have found another congregation that they are more comfortable with. That is not deconstruction. There are of course a number of other reasons why someone would leave a religious congregation that have to do with personal preferences.
When someone leaves their congregation because they no longer believe the dogma of that particular denomination, then they are deconstructing. They are walking away from long-held religious beliefs, and it can be the beginning of a lonely journey. When someone leaves a congregation because it is what is commonly referred to as a high control congregation, then they are deconstructing. High control religious congregations tend to be paternalistic, misogynistic, and authoritarian. They discourage questioning of any sort and use fear and guilt to control people. These are just some of the characteristics of a high control religion.
Regardless of their motivation for deconstructing, the thing that most of these individuals notice first is the loss of community. This can be devastating. We all long to connect with others. Many of us do this through our workplace. Others do it through community organizations. Many of us do it through our religious communities. When someone begins the deconstruction process, they find out that their old connections quickly fade away.
Discovering a new community that accepts you without judgment can be quite difficult.
This is where a Spiritual Director can help. Finding a non-religious spiritual director (NSD) is perhaps the best solution for someone who no longer believes in the strict dogma of their former congregation. A NSD is not going to suggest that you pray harder to God for guidance. A NSD is not going to suggest that you read the Bible more often. Reading the Bible literally and believing that it is the unerring word of God may be part of the problem.
What does a non-religious spiritual director do? A NSD listens to you and supports you in your journey. A NSD doesn’t judge you but instead encourages you to ask questions about your faith. And a NSD offers resources that you can use to find the answers to your questions. A NSD is often described as a companion on the deconstruction journey. The journey is less lonely when there is someone to share it with.
For more information about Deconstruction and Reconstruction, visit my website at www.Michaelglove.com.
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